Minutes later

Everything was a blur as all this was going on. I was brought over to the next door neighbor’s house and was very surprised and shocked to see one of my best friends from school April there. It happened to be her grandmother’s house. so ever since then we have shared such a special bond cuz she was there with me throughout that horrible night and that is an unbreakable Bond. Still to this day I will always call her best friend even if we were stuff we will always be best friends. I don’t remember much of the night oh, I remember the face coming to question us and I was so mad at the time that that was the first time I ever lied to somebody especially a cop. I want somebody to get in trouble so I told the police officer that the guy that shot my mom and it’s likely outside watching that happen cuz I just wanted somebody to be held accountable, obviously you can tell that wasn’t true at the time I was just so mad I don’t even know what made me lie to them, I guess the shock, I don’t know to this day I still have no idea why I did that. I remembered that April’s grandmother gave me a doll that was so soft and I had it forever it was a very special doll to me.I also remember we had to stay at the house very late because there was a lot of reporters outside and my family didn’t want us to be exposed to that, so when we finally get believe they covered us up and got us in the car add to be well after 3 a.m.

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The darkest night

As we came out of my mom’s boyfriend’s parents house, it was pitch black. Then he ran out of the bushes shooting first my mom’s boyfriend, then my mom, then himself. He didn’t try to shoot us, sometimes I felt like I wish he did. My mom was still alive, barely they were both killed at the scene, my mom’s boyfriend was shot in the heart, so I hope for his sake he died instantly and felt no pain. My mom was hanging on, barely, I was right with her and she was able to tell me she loved me and to take care of my brother and sister. Then I went into shock, screaming blacking out, I really don’t remember much for a little while. Someone brought us right away to the next door neighbors. I was numb I felt like I was dreaming. Then I remember looking at the TV and it was TGIFriday and Full House was on. For years I could never watch that show because it would bring back memories from that night.

my opinion only

Addiction can be a tricky word for some people, it can also create many heated arguments regarding it. So to those that are reading this, I want to state that this is my opinion and MY opinion only. To me I truly believe addiction is a disease that addicts will have to live with for the rest of their lives. Others don´t believe that but that is truly how I feel. I also believe it is definitely a hereditary disease,and that some people will inherit it in their genes yet never pick up any habits. But I would, like to say that addiction comes in many forms including drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, food, gambling, shopping and the list goes on. A lot of people can overcome cold turkey, and never do it again. In my opinion I think the only way you will truly succeed staying sober from your addiction first is wanting to stay sober and then putting in the work and investing in yourself to stay sober.

Then maybe when you have your addiction in check you can learn to get
¨addicted¨ to something healthy

New days ahead

So I have a new website, but I can’t get on it, and It has been over a week since I’ve written so I feel like I really need to do some writing, so i figured I will continue to write a little on this site, then maybe I can copy and paste it into my new site.

The last time I wrote I was beginning to write about my mom’s new male friend, who I believe now was her boyfriend, he officially was moved into our new condo and he was there all the time, so we considered him her new boyfriend. It was nice because I really liked him and I think my brother and sister did as well. Looking back now that I know the signs he was definitely on drugs, when I was a kid, I just thought the way he acted was funny. Like how he would not out at the dinner table, or pass out with his eyes open and me, and my brother and sister would climb all over him and he seemed to sleep through it. Now I know it was from doing heroin, but back then it was just funny to see. You never think about people being on drugs when you are that little. Although I do remember around this time that my dad’s best friend started coming around less, but when he did come around he would make little remarks, about drugs and other things that I didn’t really understand at that age. Then one day I remember my mom received a package In the mail.

Resilientlearising.com

Ok so I just wanna let you know that I finally did purchase my domain name, I am so excited about that now I have to go about building my website so that might take a few days to a week until it is up and running. But is is http://www.resilientlearising.com. It is basically going to be my blog and my life journey with some additional lifestyle posts thrown in. So i am hopeful that all of you will continue to follow me on my life journey and if I can help even just one person, I would be so happy. Now the next few blog posts might be a little difficult for me to write, I almost feel like I am dragging it out a little because it is sometimes hard foe me to relive it, But I also have to say that I don´t think I have ever really wrapped my head completley around what has happened. Like when people ask me what happened and I tell them, sometimes I almost feel like a robot or a recorded message because now I can repeat the story with almost no emotion.But with saying that I think writing about this will help me start to heal and I can tell the story with more detail and emotion instead of just repeating what happened as if it was just a normal everyday part of life,

I am going to continue from when my mom was hanging around a few new people in her life and being a kid you really don´t think much of it, I remember on the Thanksgiving after my dad had killed himself or maybe it was Easter, sorry I really don´t remember, I know it was a holiday because we were off from school, anyway we went to my dads best friends house to have a nice meal, his wife was not there, I think she was out of town visiting with her family. Anyway we had a nice meal and I remember it was starting to get late so my mom said that we were just going to stay over there for the night because she was getting too tired. Being a kid I did not think anything of it, but I do remember thinking it was odd that my mom slept in the same room as HIM. I also remember that the house seemed so cold and uninviting. That night was the first time I ever knew heated blankets existed, because they gave me one to keep warm. Now even to this day I still will not sleep with a heated blanket because it reminds me of that night and the way I felt comes crashing back. Even as I write this I can clearly remember the smells and the way everything was that night.

But life went on after that, my mom actually started hanging around a new man, I have no idea how they met or anything but I remember that I liked him. He was really nice and really fun to be around, he did not have any kids but he treated us really great. Soon he ended up moving in with us, right after my mom got a new condo for us. My dads best friend also stopped hanging around as much. Which was fine with me, life was moving on and things were changing. Then everything started getting a little bit creepy and strange.

The phase after the next

So the post before the last was when I was describing my mom getting out of the hospital and her making a new friend. But also around this same time my dads best friend was always around. I did not know this at the time until later on in my life, but yeah my mom started having an affair with my dads best friend, and the reason I say affair is because my dads best friend was 100% completley married, and from everything I remember at the time they were happily married. I even remember around this time, because it was now in the summer, that my dads best friends wife(and I dont say his or her name ever cause it makes me sick) was over and we were all outside by the pool all day. The reason that I remember this one particular day is because his wife ended up having to go to the hospital because she got and really bad sunburn and ended up with sun poisoning.

But he contiued to hang around with my mother, we really didnt see his wife much, but she was always there. As time went on he was a constant in our life, at the time it was nice because a) he was a male figure in our life and b) he was my dads best friend. So that made him safe, little did I know that he was going to turn my world upside down in a little more than a year.